Transgender Suicide, Leelah Alcorn, and the Media

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It’s unfortunate another sister is lost to suicide. I also feel for the parents it’s hard to lose a child, and their religious poisoning or views told them in their mind they were doing the right thing for their child. However they weren’t doing the right thing for the happiness of their child. This unfortunately is not rare in the transgender community, this happens a lot from all age ranges and races. Most do not know this due to there is not a lot of media picked up about transgender deaths or even our murders. What I will say is I am glad Leelah’s death wasn’t in vain or brushed under the carpet. It’s making real impact in the media and social sites. Even making an impact with celebrities. I was actually shocked when I saw a tweet from Kim Kardashian saying what she said on Leelah and transgender people. Yes I know right it’s Kim Kardashian, but things like this are powerful due to it coming from someone many people idolize and follow. She was the number one searched person in 2014, and rather we like it or not she influences people.

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Then I recently came across a clip of “The Talk” talking on transgender teen suicide. What Aisha Tyler started with on being transgender is not a phase, to Sara Gilbert tearing up and asking the parents why couldn’t they deal with the loss of their “son” rather than a dead child, to even Sheryl who comes off rough around the edges speaking to the Christians it was one of the most powerful tv moments I have seen in a long time for the transgender community! It made me tear up and made me feel something.

The clip from the talk: 

I know, I know you are probably saying if you are reading this as a transgender person that’s the most powerful moment you have seen on transgender people in a long time. You are probably pointing out other moments in your head especially when it comes to Laverne and others. Don’t get me wrong I love that Laverne Cox, Janet Mock, Geena Rocero, and many other trans-women are getting a voice to speak their truths and educate mainstream society through the media. I do not want to take away from that. I do feel it’s powerful, but I feel like their voices resonate or provide more powerful meaning for us as trans-people. Which is why so many girls that are models that are making it mainstream are role models and  are expected by us to be more than models and to be put in the place as an “advocate” due to just being transgender. Even if they are not the best public speakers or come off the best at all times. Please do not think for one minute I want to take away from any of this success or power.  All of these steps matter! As a step-mother though and being a young transitioner with a mother who went through these same things I have to admit I am even happier about this TV moment where it’s CIS Mom’s talking to other mom’s about being transgender and how it’s not a phase and why to love your child. People like Jazz’s mother are influencing other mothers by her parenting a transgender child with love and respect. Debi Jackson who recently made headlines for her stand for her transgender daughter AJ. I will leave clips below of both of these women. These examples resonate to me more more as a step-parent and as a trans-woman to my core, due to it reminded me of my mother when she stood up to El Paso High School (El Paso Illinois not Texas) and others when I transitioned at 12. They told her the same thing you really wanted a girl so you molded her (me) into this. I honestly believe moments like these are more powerful to CIS people due to CIS people hear other CIS people more than they do a transgender person preaching their truth. When you have Mom’s or parents standing by their child! Not scared of society telling them they are wrong, this helps other parents understand and hopefully move towards this same bravery.

Debi Jackson 

Documentary on Jazz and her parents 

See we as transgender people attack religion, society, and people in general who don’t understand us. We are moving forward slowly but surely everyday! Society and religious teachings have done much to teach that being homosexual or trans is an abomination. If we don’t live up to the status quo. If you aren’t “manly enough” you must be gay. If you aren’t feminine enough for society you must be a lesbian. If you don’t get married, go to church, or bare children you are “Unamerican” or “WEIRD”. This posturing has gone on for years and years and years. It’s hard to unlearn this in just a few years. The good news is more people are becoming more liberal with their views on homosexuality and even being transgendered. Churches are even beginning to accept the LGBT as a whole. Not just ones with gay pastors or a predominately gay congregations. You must feel sorry for these people who are striving to fit into the status quo. When many of them aren’t living their truths or living the way they really would want due to the societies pressure and posturing. They have been molded into the way they think the same way their parents before them and their parents before them were molded. Just as many of us were molded to think the same way. To be honest many transgender people hold dear to society. Want to blend in and don’t want to be an outsider. That’s okay, but remember it’s that society that holds us back!

I try to tell people this all the time. All of our thoughts on religion, what gender is, and even what being a proper citizen is has come from being told or taught by people that were taught or conditioned by another. It’s very the Matrix in a way. I usually feel the sorriest for men though. Why do think the number one question trans-attracted men ask is are they gay for liking us? It’s due to conditioning from their fathers on what being a man is. A child doesn’t know the difference between a boy and girl. We tell them what being a boy is or what being a girl is. Like when I have seen little boys playing with their sisters toys not realizing it’s a girl toy till they are reprimanded by their father that they are playing with girl toys and it’s wrong. Just like if a man doesn’t like sports, has way too good of hygiene, isn’t out there filling his wild oats, doesn’t love strip clubs or playboy, and not scratching his balls he must be gay in many people’s views. Just like if a girl doesn’t wear make up, loves sports and playing it, wears mostly tom boy/gender neutral clothing we as a society just assume she must be a lesbian. Which is just not true! How you dress and even how you come off personality wise doesn’t necessary tell a persons sexuality. Just like there are many transgender women who prefer other women or other trans-women. They are not into men, but due to us living our lives as women everyone just assumes we are all into men. Trust men when I say this many of these trans-women would be disgusted if a man hit on them or had to have sex with one.

This is why I posted what Kim said we must learn acceptance! We must learn to accept each other for people and not people who live by the status quo! Parents my words to you are stop conditioning your child and let them grow into who they want to be! Love your child with the pure eyes of love! Just because they are playing with a girl toy doesn’t mean they are GAY or even TRANSGENDER! Most trans-children like myself will come to you and outright say it. I didn’t even know I wasn’t a girl till I was six years old when I took a bath with my girl cousin and noticed we had different downstairs. I was literally so upset and screamed my head off when my mom told me the reason our parts were different than my cousins! Like Aisha said on The Talk it is not a phase and no one is molded me to believe this as a child. You just know! I always say it takes no effort on my part to know I’m a woman, the effort comes when others tell me what I am not!

My only hope is we have more and more tv moments like these. More and more parents of transgender children coming forward! More allies speaking up or even trans-attracted men speaking up for the trans-women they love! Lets break the status quo ceiling! Lets start accepting people for who they are! So we have a happier and more productive society as a whole!

Lots of Love and Luck,

Kelly

Trant of the day – I think Gender Therapy Should be Tougher!

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I still think Gender Therapy should be tougher. As I have stated many times before I believe many people who are diagnosed transgender really only suffer from body dysphoria. So many rush to get their vaginas with out even living their lives as the gender they identify as.  They get by with this by paying  a gender therapist over the phone to get their letters. Some even will pay a therapist extra to get a letter without any therapy at all or even living their life as a female to have any experience or deal with issues on becoming the woman they are.  Many opt to go to places like Thailand where they don’t necessarily need one or even have to live their life full-time as  a female for any amount of time. 

Why you may ask would they do such a permanent surgery without taking the proper protocol. Well they think if they get a vagina their whole life will change including how people see them in public. That somehow they will just be accepted for the woman they are. Lets be honest many are just frustrated since many are older transitioners that have lived their lives so long as the gender society told them they were. They want to take the fast track, since life can be so short. In my opinion it is dangerous and has lead to depression, regret, and even suicide. Where girls that are well adjusted and take the proper course have no regrets and are happier than they ever were! This is why  I always tell girls do face, breast, then vagina. Nobody sees you naked walking down the street. How you are accepted in social settings is at face value. Not to mention how we learn about the women we are is through living it day by day!  As well as dealing with social issues is how we get stronger and establish a support system for ourselves! 

It’s unfortunate so many transitioners look at femininity in such a shallow way. These types believe as long as you get your nails painted weekly, get rid of the beard off your face, get breast boobs, and a vagina that alone makes you a woman. When in reality many of these transgender-women are still figuring out or need to figure out what being a woman really is to them on a personal level. So many of us have low self-esteems and strike out at other trans-girls to make ourselves feel better. So many of us crack or cry over the slightest things due to not being able to deal with society and peers. This comes from living our lives as the women we are! It takes time!

I’m certainly not saying there is one type! We all have different opinions on what being a woman is. Not everyone desires to be a Kim K type or Barbie! However living our lives daily as the women  we are and learning or re-learning gives us a perspective on our real gender identity, as well as inner-strength we desperately need! If we really live our lives as us and take time to figure out who we are inside! We will have more than enough to deal with society and in everyday life! I certainly realize there is different types of women from girly to tomboy. It’s like my friend Ivy who tranisitioned closely after me she is more of an alternative chick and a has more rock edge to her, but her thoughts all are woman and what she has dealt with in her teen and adult life is as a woman! Where as I’m more of the preppy – all American girl and have a different view point than her. And that’s okay! Like I said there are all different types of women, not just one! The ones who think this are fooling themselves!

Just trust me on this you learn about being a woman through experiences and TIME. Much like how a cis-girl goes from blossoming from a little girl to a woman. Just know [laying a part doesn’t make you a woman, or going through the motions of what you think a woman should or would do! This is why I have always thought finding yourself in transition is so important. Which takes some of us more time than others! That is okay! There is no competition in this! This is not a race, but we should all have a course so we all can be the best we can be! This is why I have always believed in therapy and I believe in taking time to find your inner-self! Skipping out on life experience is WRONG. Don’t rush in take the time to find out who you are FIRST! I know she is in there somewhere! Don’t just copy others or still live untrue to who you are! You already did that before! Don’t repeat the same mistake!

Lots of Love and Luck,

Kelly

Co2 Fractional Laser

I recently had this procedure done with my favorite craniofacial surgeon and plastic surgeon in general Dr. Weinzweig. It took me about a week or so to recover and let me tell you over Christmas it was embarrassing! My mommy-in-law and hubby and his family made me feel at ease though and so comfortable! FYI I have not seen the full results yet that takes a couple months, but I will make sure to keep you all updated! If you are not sure what fractional laser is it uses small columns of fractionated energy to ablate areas of the damaged skin. Tiny wounds are made in the face and the surrounding healthy skin and/or skin not targets helps with healing, making new collagen and elastin for younger, clearer, and tighter skin. Do not confuse this with regular Co2 laser this gives you less downtime and shows full results as time goes on. I am probably going to go for one more round depending how this one looks after six months. Usually though people only need one which Dr. Weinzweig swears I will only need. So we shall see! I trust Dr. Weinzweig he is one of the best!

Before the procedure with the numbing cream on

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Here are photos I took after my procedure.

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The skinkcare they gave me and the directions. I will be getting another copper cream soon in another week or so.

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The results so far absolutely no make up right out of the shower

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Rest In Power Leelah Alcorn

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I was so sad to hear about Leelah Alcorn’s suicide. This just has to stop!

Her Mother is obviously still in denial

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The neighbors tell of how they isolated Leelah

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This is just so sad and can show what society and religious poisoning can do. I myself am atheist, but know not all Christians think or feel this way. When I was still practicing Christianity, my pastor took me aside to tell me that God meant for me to be just the way I am (transgender). To not question it or let others make me feel ashamed. That being so young (13) meant a lot to me to hear from a Religious leader. When so many spew the hate towards the LGBT. I recently came across this new website called http://NotAllLikeThat.Org it was created by the same founder of the NOH8 campaign. It’s for Christians to reach out to the LGBT in videos to show their support and even teachings they pull from the bible. I would hope if you are Christian you will join in on the Nalt Christian Campaign. Young people really need to hear your love and support! We need to stop shaming and shunning! Suicide is the third leading cause of death in young people ages 10 to 24. LGBT people in this age range are four times more likely to attempt suicide. When I was a practicing Christian I was taught love and compassion for all over all else. To love with Christ Love. This project needs to get out there since so many religious leaders gay shame! I love that pastors and other church leaders are taking part in this campaign!

This was one of my favorite videos and blogs from the Nalt Website! It’s a strong message explaining so many things on why the bible does not condemn homosexuality! Please feel free to share this with as many people as possible! Perhaps even your own family if your family doesn’t understand you!

click below

http://notalllikethat.org/taking-god-at-his-word-the-bible-and-homosexuality/

I am me

I have repeated these five things to myself for years in a mirror… I am strong, I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am imperfect and that’s okay, and I am me!

I am strong due to I’ve been through hell and back, I love lost many near and dear to me at a young age, and I know my my weakness and I control it.

I am worthy, it took me a long time to realize that, but I know my worth and will never stop or allow anyone to tell me otherwise.

I am beautiful and no one needs to convince me of that anymore..I’ve dropped the illusion of not enough. Loads of things have been said about my looks good and bad, but all that matters is what I think when I look in the mirror!

I am imperfect! It’s okay to have off days, to get mad, to get a little crazy, or even cry. To show your faults make you all that much more HUMAN!

I am me! When my mother died I thought I was so alone, but I realized years later what my mom was always trying to say to me! You are never alone you have yourself and the memories of the ones that affected your views of yourself making me who I am today. My backbone, my love for people, and so much more are all parts of my mother..she still lives on through me and that comforts me knowing it. The people who have inspired me through out life and the friends that affected my life are all parts of ME. Me is amazing!

Bella Strands Extension Review

I recently was contacted by a company called Bella Strands Extensions. They did send me a set to review. They first sent me a hair ring with all the colors they offer. Though the color in person was a little off which is typical for most extension companies. I ordered the 24 inch. The first set they sent was for another guru with dark brown hair so after waiting for my set I was so excited to get them. They are still a fairly new company so they are working on what works on their product and what they can do better.

I was supposed to make a video, but even after coloring, cutting the wefts they are still so thin so they don’t blend well with my own hair. I do not think they are double wefted which they should be due to I have thinner hair and if it’s not blending well on mine it def won’t on someone with thicker hair. I do think the hair quality is good and curls well. It doesn’t really tangle or stick to your body either . I would say the hair quality is much better than Luxy Hair. The wefts/extensions needs to be thicker!

I do not like the clips and the thread they use to sew them on is much to thick causing the clips to slip and the clips are hard to lock. I think if the company fixes the clips, thread, and hair thickness the company would be def a great place to shop for extensions. They are affordable and great customer service. I am not in the business of lying and always give my honest reviews. I again did not make a video because I am not happy with how they look and being a model IMAGE is everything!

My POINT REVIEW:

The Wefts/Extensions (hair)

Hair Quality: I would honestly give the hair they use a 9. They style well, dye well, and don’t stick to your body or shed.

Hair texture/thickness: I would give a 4. I ordered the 24 inch and yes the length is great, but they thin out at the bottom. It does not blend well with your own natural hair due to this. I even had my pro-hairstylist try to cut them to blend them in better she also said they are much too thin. I do not feel these are double wefted and they should be! I expect or like the extensions to be just as thick at the top as they are at the bottom.

Clips: I would also give a 4: They are big bulky and don’t snap well or hold well. I prefer smaller clips. The threading they sew them on is also too thick and makes them loosen off easily.

Customer Service: 9 they are very hands on and reply quickly

Cost: Is awesome!

However I would not personally purchase these until they thicken the hair extensions and change the clips and thread they place the clips on with. I am supposed to be a beauty amabassador for Bella Strands but at this time due to the problems I’ve had with the extensions I am not proud of the extensions. I would expect better and hope they take my constructive criticism in the best way to change and grow! I refused to make a video due to the fact how bad and cheap it looks. I’m a model and I don’t want to put out bad photos/videos of myself nor lie to my followers.

Pics below

1st pic is the hair ring they sent me and one of the colors I chose

The second pic is comparing the brand I typically use to their brand as far as clips go… the bellastrands are on bottom and the brand I usually use on top..as you can see the thread they use is much thicker and the clip is cheap..

The last pic shows how it came loose in a week with only wearing them twice. This is due to the thick thread and them putting the thread through too many of the holes and not securing it like the way the typical brand I use does..see the difference in the comparison.

So my overall hope is Bella Strands will change all of these things and put out a great product cause they seem to be a great company with a great attitude

bella

 

photo 3 photo 2 (24) photo 1 (15)

 

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