The last two days I have been in a debate with this girl on a forum whose name is Krissy. Krissy was a crossdresser, but now believes she is a transsexual. I am pleased she found her true self, but I am not pleased that she is expressing transsexuals were once crossdressers.
We as transsexuals may have lived our lives as straight men, gay men, and maybe even dressed feminine before going down the path to transition, but in my opinion we were never crossdressers! The moment you you notice you are dysphoric; (you know the feeling inside you feel you are the opposite gender you were born and the unending need to expel your true self) you to me are a transsexual! The living as a man and crossdressing was simply a phase on your road to becoming and finding your true self; some will never leave that phase! Maybe due to blocking it out, too scared to change the life they have as a man, loss of family, financial reasons, don’t want it to be TRUE, and the list goes on. I feel my sister’s pain who are going through this! You are still my sisters!
Through my years doing activist work, going to transsexual groups, conventions, working in laser offices, and more, my opinion of transsexuals and the transition cycle has changed immensely. I used to think it was about looking a certain way or doing the proper medical treatment. There was no other way. Transition for me was very cut and dry! I probably felt this way due to I transitioned at twelve, but I didn’t even realize I wasn’t a girl till I was age six. I saw that my niece had something different than what I had while my mom was giving me a bath. My mother explained “You are a boy and she is a girl”. Even then I didn’t want to face that reality of my body. I thought I was just like my niece I can still remember being very upset. I remember putting on my mom’s heels, messing in her makeup, trying on my sister’s clothes, and more. My mother always knew so it was quite easy when I expressed who I am. It made me believe that everyone just knows right off the bat, doing activist work and actually interacting with other transsexuals I found this not to be true!
Krissy (the girl I was debating with) states being a transsexual is a “BELIEF” you are the opposite gender of what you were born. Where yes I do agree with that, but at first when you are still discovering yourself I believe it’s a feeling, a thought, or a conscious thought telling you something is wrong about your gender! I don’t believe the “belief” comes along till later. It’s hard to believe in something if you can’t pin point what is going on with you in the first place! I have spoken to transsexuals who didn’t even know what a transsexual was or what was going on inside their head. Some thought they were gay, others thought they were going crazy and ignored it, and many knew there was something wrong but didn’t have the slightest clue what to call it! Krissy I find wants everything to be by text book, which I know many people want that. Actually going out there I have found out everyone’s journey and dysphoria is very different! There is no perfect way and there is no better way! Transition is not a competition, though many girls seem to think it is! Not every girl wants surgeries, some girls can’t do hormones due to health purposes, and the list goes on of differences. I don’t think you can cut and dry a transsexuals journey, but you can cut and dry to say they were never crossdressers!
Transitioning is not about age, beauty, whether you started a family as a man or not, or anything that people like to correlate with why you shouldn’t have transitioned! Transition is about finding the woman you are and bringing it from the inside out!
I remember the oldest transsexual I met when I worked at a Laser office was Lorie. Lorie was 76 years old having hair removal for her sexual reassignment surgery. Lorie told me she was worried what I thought of her due to me being so young. I assure Lorie, I didn’t judge her and she was grabbing the bulls by the horn now to be herself! She pressed on though to say, “Kelly I knew I was a transsexual fifty years ago, but I wanted my children and grand-children to be raised before I did anything for myself.
She then proceeded to tell me sometimes she’d wear womens articles or dress up when she had time alone to feel comfort. She then emplored nervously to me, “Do you think I’m a crossdresser?” She then proceeded to accuse me, “You probably think I’m an old crossdresser that is bypassing the laws.” I was taken aback she would think I would ever think this, but I got a hold of my tongue and told her “Lorie you were just as much as a woman you were then as you are now, hormones and surgeries are just the physical change, the mental change is the important part! You already knew who you were! It must of taken a lot out of you to be so imprisoned in a body you couldn’t stand waking up everyday knowing you are a woman. I admire you, because I feel your journey was a lot harder than mine ever was! I think living a lie is the hardest thing anyone can do, living your truth is so much easier” This put her at ease, and Lorie is happier than ever! She looks beautiful now and is living her truth everyday with her grandchildren! This is something I say to people all the time, there is no angst or trial on my part to say I’m a woman, the angst and trial comes from you telling me I am not! I know the woman I am, I don’t question it!
I also remember being at groups several different “men” came in crying their eyes out like babies, wishing for these feelings inside to go away. They just wanted to be normal, and yet at the same time wished they could live their truth. I was taken aback by this, it really opened my eyes that many know they are transsexual, but they don’t want it to be their truth. Does this make them less than one of us? I don’t feel it does at all. People fool themselves into thinking surgeries and hormones make you more woman than another transsexual or actually living it makes you more woman, but what if corrective surgery and hormone thereapy didn’t exist? We would all be on the same playing field then! Being a transsexual is what happens up stairs! Sex to me is between the ears not the body! Everything we think, feel, believe all happens upstairs! We wouldn’t even know what a MAN or WOMAN was without the ability to think!
I want my transsexual sisters to know if no one else around you sees you as the woman you are…I DO! I see you! I believe in you and you are just as much a woman to me as I am to myself! I don’t care if you haven’t taken the steps maybe you will one day! I don’t care what any other transsexual, doctor, activist, or people in general say I see you as the woman you are! I know how much that can mean to us! We need this validation; it’s why so many of us use men as a validation crutch. I want to validate you and tell you..You are a woman! You are not a crossdresser..You are not a man…you are a woman!
Lots of Love and Luck,