Transgender Rant of the Day – DEATH

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My TRANT (transsexual rant) of the day four transgender women killed in less than a month so far in 2015. RIP to these four ladies! It seems more and more girls are being killed more frequently every year! There is an upside and a downside for the transgender community being seen more mainstream, as we are seen more in the mainstream media a majority of course will open their minds to accept us, but at the same time hate will grow as well from hate groups that despise us or people in general are made aware of us and don’t want to understand us. These despicable actions will keep occurring, one girl was a trans-activist going to work and she was stabbed in cold blood for no other reason than being trans. I know many trans-women like myself say their RIP’s and then forget the next day or even think this couldn’t be them. Especially the ones who think they don’t lead a seedy life, value their passability, or expose their truth while dating aka NOT “tricking” guys into thinking you are a cis-female. Many feel they are untouchable, but sometimes people have a sixth sense when it comes to gender or maybe that day in public the sunlight hits you in the wrong way and at that very same moment there is someone who hates trans people. Then before you know it you are in a horrible situation, that you may not get out of alive. None of us know our FATES. I also know we girls like to joke around and laugh at each other for play. I myself am guilty of that as much as the next girl with my sisters, but some girls aren’t joking! A majority think being trans is like walking in a ballroom. Isn’t it unfortunate so many of us value our femininity by how many surgery procedures we had, while others value it by how many they didn’t have and still look female, and lastly the girls who value it by the MEN that give them attention. I don’t know about you, but I personally didn’t transition to compete with other girls in beaut, surgeries, or for men. I transitioned to live my truth and stop the feeling of suffocation. I felt so disconnected and depressed, transitioning is the only thing that made me love life whole again. In the last twenty-one years I have only had a zest for life and a bubbly nature that some find annoying. That is okay, because I am happy and I like to show it. I have always been the first one to laugh, because I don’t QUESTION who I am. Nothing anyone could do or say can change how I feel about myself, and that’s TRUE power of SELF. If I was murdered today for being trans, they wouldn’t be taking my power or happiness. They would be taking just an image in this life that disgusts them due to societies breeding of hate for things they don’t understand. The problem isn’t the murderers and isn’t the haters, it’s society and yes even religious poisoning. We have to label everything boy/girl, gay/straight, classy/slutty, and the list goes on. It’s truly pathetic and sad when you think about how all the hate in the world is bred from surroundings. Racism, gay shaming, slut shaming, misogyny and the list goes on is usually handed down by parents or society at large. Everything we know is taught to us good, bad, or indifferent. I am more disappointed in our society as a whole, because we are responsible! We are responsible for all the hate in this world. Hate will not stop till we stop teaching it to our children. We focus more on hate than we ever did on LOVE in this society of ours. Just so sad..it’s sad leaders of the world teach people being GAY, being trans is wrong. It’s sad that we are taught as white children that we are better than other races, especially if you lived in the south. We must stop poisoning OURSELVES! If we don’t like how the world views us..we have only ourselves to blame! Stop the HATE today!

Transgender Suicide, Leelah Alcorn, and the Media

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It’s unfortunate another sister is lost to suicide. I also feel for the parents it’s hard to lose a child, and their religious poisoning or views told them in their mind they were doing the right thing for their child. However they weren’t doing the right thing for the happiness of their child. This unfortunately is not rare in the transgender community, this happens a lot from all age ranges and races. Most do not know this due to there is not a lot of media picked up about transgender deaths or even our murders. What I will say is I am glad Leelah’s death wasn’t in vain or brushed under the carpet. It’s making real impact in the media and social sites. Even making an impact with celebrities. I was actually shocked when I saw a tweet from Kim Kardashian saying what she said on Leelah and transgender people. Yes I know right it’s Kim Kardashian, but things like this are powerful due to it coming from someone many people idolize and follow. She was the number one searched person in 2014, and rather we like it or not she influences people.

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Then I recently came across a clip of “The Talk” talking on transgender teen suicide. What Aisha Tyler started with on being transgender is not a phase, to Sara Gilbert tearing up and asking the parents why couldn’t they deal with the loss of their “son” rather than a dead child, to even Sheryl who comes off rough around the edges speaking to the Christians it was one of the most powerful tv moments I have seen in a long time for the transgender community! It made me tear up and made me feel something.

The clip from the talk: 

I know, I know you are probably saying if you are reading this as a transgender person that’s the most powerful moment you have seen on transgender people in a long time. You are probably pointing out other moments in your head especially when it comes to Laverne and others. Don’t get me wrong I love that Laverne Cox, Janet Mock, Geena Rocero, and many other trans-women are getting a voice to speak their truths and educate mainstream society through the media. I do not want to take away from that. I do feel it’s powerful, but I feel like their voices resonate or provide more powerful meaning for us as trans-people. Which is why so many girls that are models that are making it mainstream are role models and  are expected by us to be more than models and to be put in the place as an “advocate” due to just being transgender. Even if they are not the best public speakers or come off the best at all times. Please do not think for one minute I want to take away from any of this success or power.  All of these steps matter! As a step-mother though and being a young transitioner with a mother who went through these same things I have to admit I am even happier about this TV moment where it’s CIS Mom’s talking to other mom’s about being transgender and how it’s not a phase and why to love your child. People like Jazz’s mother are influencing other mothers by her parenting a transgender child with love and respect. Debi Jackson who recently made headlines for her stand for her transgender daughter AJ. I will leave clips below of both of these women. These examples resonate to me more more as a step-parent and as a trans-woman to my core, due to it reminded me of my mother when she stood up to El Paso High School (El Paso Illinois not Texas) and others when I transitioned at 12. They told her the same thing you really wanted a girl so you molded her (me) into this. I honestly believe moments like these are more powerful to CIS people due to CIS people hear other CIS people more than they do a transgender person preaching their truth. When you have Mom’s or parents standing by their child! Not scared of society telling them they are wrong, this helps other parents understand and hopefully move towards this same bravery.

Debi Jackson 

Documentary on Jazz and her parents 

See we as transgender people attack religion, society, and people in general who don’t understand us. We are moving forward slowly but surely everyday! Society and religious teachings have done much to teach that being homosexual or trans is an abomination. If we don’t live up to the status quo. If you aren’t “manly enough” you must be gay. If you aren’t feminine enough for society you must be a lesbian. If you don’t get married, go to church, or bare children you are “Unamerican” or “WEIRD”. This posturing has gone on for years and years and years. It’s hard to unlearn this in just a few years. The good news is more people are becoming more liberal with their views on homosexuality and even being transgendered. Churches are even beginning to accept the LGBT as a whole. Not just ones with gay pastors or a predominately gay congregations. You must feel sorry for these people who are striving to fit into the status quo. When many of them aren’t living their truths or living the way they really would want due to the societies pressure and posturing. They have been molded into the way they think the same way their parents before them and their parents before them were molded. Just as many of us were molded to think the same way. To be honest many transgender people hold dear to society. Want to blend in and don’t want to be an outsider. That’s okay, but remember it’s that society that holds us back!

I try to tell people this all the time. All of our thoughts on religion, what gender is, and even what being a proper citizen is has come from being told or taught by people that were taught or conditioned by another. It’s very the Matrix in a way. I usually feel the sorriest for men though. Why do think the number one question trans-attracted men ask is are they gay for liking us? It’s due to conditioning from their fathers on what being a man is. A child doesn’t know the difference between a boy and girl. We tell them what being a boy is or what being a girl is. Like when I have seen little boys playing with their sisters toys not realizing it’s a girl toy till they are reprimanded by their father that they are playing with girl toys and it’s wrong. Just like if a man doesn’t like sports, has way too good of hygiene, isn’t out there filling his wild oats, doesn’t love strip clubs or playboy, and not scratching his balls he must be gay in many people’s views. Just like if a girl doesn’t wear make up, loves sports and playing it, wears mostly tom boy/gender neutral clothing we as a society just assume she must be a lesbian. Which is just not true! How you dress and even how you come off personality wise doesn’t necessary tell a persons sexuality. Just like there are many transgender women who prefer other women or other trans-women. They are not into men, but due to us living our lives as women everyone just assumes we are all into men. Trust men when I say this many of these trans-women would be disgusted if a man hit on them or had to have sex with one.

This is why I posted what Kim said we must learn acceptance! We must learn to accept each other for people and not people who live by the status quo! Parents my words to you are stop conditioning your child and let them grow into who they want to be! Love your child with the pure eyes of love! Just because they are playing with a girl toy doesn’t mean they are GAY or even TRANSGENDER! Most trans-children like myself will come to you and outright say it. I didn’t even know I wasn’t a girl till I was six years old when I took a bath with my girl cousin and noticed we had different downstairs. I was literally so upset and screamed my head off when my mom told me the reason our parts were different than my cousins! Like Aisha said on The Talk it is not a phase and no one is molded me to believe this as a child. You just know! I always say it takes no effort on my part to know I’m a woman, the effort comes when others tell me what I am not!

My only hope is we have more and more tv moments like these. More and more parents of transgender children coming forward! More allies speaking up or even trans-attracted men speaking up for the trans-women they love! Lets break the status quo ceiling! Lets start accepting people for who they are! So we have a happier and more productive society as a whole!

Lots of Love and Luck,

Kelly

Trant of the day – I think Gender Therapy Should be Tougher!

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I still think Gender Therapy should be tougher. As I have stated many times before I believe many people who are diagnosed transgender really only suffer from body dysphoria. So many rush to get their vaginas with out even living their lives as the gender they identify as.  They get by with this by paying  a gender therapist over the phone to get their letters. Some even will pay a therapist extra to get a letter without any therapy at all or even living their life as a female to have any experience or deal with issues on becoming the woman they are.  Many opt to go to places like Thailand where they don’t necessarily need one or even have to live their life full-time as  a female for any amount of time. 

Why you may ask would they do such a permanent surgery without taking the proper protocol. Well they think if they get a vagina their whole life will change including how people see them in public. That somehow they will just be accepted for the woman they are. Lets be honest many are just frustrated since many are older transitioners that have lived their lives so long as the gender society told them they were. They want to take the fast track, since life can be so short. In my opinion it is dangerous and has lead to depression, regret, and even suicide. Where girls that are well adjusted and take the proper course have no regrets and are happier than they ever were! This is why  I always tell girls do face, breast, then vagina. Nobody sees you naked walking down the street. How you are accepted in social settings is at face value. Not to mention how we learn about the women we are is through living it day by day!  As well as dealing with social issues is how we get stronger and establish a support system for ourselves! 

It’s unfortunate so many transitioners look at femininity in such a shallow way. These types believe as long as you get your nails painted weekly, get rid of the beard off your face, get breast boobs, and a vagina that alone makes you a woman. When in reality many of these transgender-women are still figuring out or need to figure out what being a woman really is to them on a personal level. So many of us have low self-esteems and strike out at other trans-girls to make ourselves feel better. So many of us crack or cry over the slightest things due to not being able to deal with society and peers. This comes from living our lives as the women we are! It takes time!

I’m certainly not saying there is one type! We all have different opinions on what being a woman is. Not everyone desires to be a Kim K type or Barbie! However living our lives daily as the women  we are and learning or re-learning gives us a perspective on our real gender identity, as well as inner-strength we desperately need! If we really live our lives as us and take time to figure out who we are inside! We will have more than enough to deal with society and in everyday life! I certainly realize there is different types of women from girly to tomboy. It’s like my friend Ivy who tranisitioned closely after me she is more of an alternative chick and a has more rock edge to her, but her thoughts all are woman and what she has dealt with in her teen and adult life is as a woman! Where as I’m more of the preppy – all American girl and have a different view point than her. And that’s okay! Like I said there are all different types of women, not just one! The ones who think this are fooling themselves!

Just trust me on this you learn about being a woman through experiences and TIME. Much like how a cis-girl goes from blossoming from a little girl to a woman. Just know [laying a part doesn’t make you a woman, or going through the motions of what you think a woman should or would do! This is why I have always thought finding yourself in transition is so important. Which takes some of us more time than others! That is okay! There is no competition in this! This is not a race, but we should all have a course so we all can be the best we can be! This is why I have always believed in therapy and I believe in taking time to find your inner-self! Skipping out on life experience is WRONG. Don’t rush in take the time to find out who you are FIRST! I know she is in there somewhere! Don’t just copy others or still live untrue to who you are! You already did that before! Don’t repeat the same mistake!

Lots of Love and Luck,

Kelly

Co2 Fractional Laser

I recently had this procedure done with my favorite craniofacial surgeon and plastic surgeon in general Dr. Weinzweig. It took me about a week or so to recover and let me tell you over Christmas it was embarrassing! My mommy-in-law and hubby and his family made me feel at ease though and so comfortable! FYI I have not seen the full results yet that takes a couple months, but I will make sure to keep you all updated! If you are not sure what fractional laser is it uses small columns of fractionated energy to ablate areas of the damaged skin. Tiny wounds are made in the face and the surrounding healthy skin and/or skin not targets helps with healing, making new collagen and elastin for younger, clearer, and tighter skin. Do not confuse this with regular Co2 laser this gives you less downtime and shows full results as time goes on. I am probably going to go for one more round depending how this one looks after six months. Usually though people only need one which Dr. Weinzweig swears I will only need. So we shall see! I trust Dr. Weinzweig he is one of the best!

Before the procedure with the numbing cream on

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Here are photos I took after my procedure.

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The skinkcare they gave me and the directions. I will be getting another copper cream soon in another week or so.

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The results so far absolutely no make up right out of the shower

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Rest In Power Leelah Alcorn

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I was so sad to hear about Leelah Alcorn’s suicide. This just has to stop!

Her Mother is obviously still in denial

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The neighbors tell of how they isolated Leelah

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This is just so sad and can show what society and religious poisoning can do. I myself am atheist, but know not all Christians think or feel this way. When I was still practicing Christianity, my pastor took me aside to tell me that God meant for me to be just the way I am (transgender). To not question it or let others make me feel ashamed. That being so young (13) meant a lot to me to hear from a Religious leader. When so many spew the hate towards the LGBT. I recently came across this new website called http://NotAllLikeThat.Org it was created by the same founder of the NOH8 campaign. It’s for Christians to reach out to the LGBT in videos to show their support and even teachings they pull from the bible. I would hope if you are Christian you will join in on the Nalt Christian Campaign. Young people really need to hear your love and support! We need to stop shaming and shunning! Suicide is the third leading cause of death in young people ages 10 to 24. LGBT people in this age range are four times more likely to attempt suicide. When I was a practicing Christian I was taught love and compassion for all over all else. To love with Christ Love. This project needs to get out there since so many religious leaders gay shame! I love that pastors and other church leaders are taking part in this campaign!

This was one of my favorite videos and blogs from the Nalt Website! It’s a strong message explaining so many things on why the bible does not condemn homosexuality! Please feel free to share this with as many people as possible! Perhaps even your own family if your family doesn’t understand you!

click below

http://notalllikethat.org/taking-god-at-his-word-the-bible-and-homosexuality/

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